I will write soon, I swear.

Things are happening.

Where the heart is.

Wednesday marks my second venture back to base. Base being the State of Oklahoma and all it has to offer.

I will be packing my things for the second time in a year and driving so that my heart can be closer to another’s. This was not something that came easily or without much debate. It can be said that time and space are the forces that maintain our balance here on earth and this is certainly a remark towards that debate. I have been able to have a lot of personal time and space, allowing me to debate my life, my direction, and how best to nurture one’s heart. This is by being closer to those I love, and pushing myself to be better than I am right now.

This is constant.

Currents:

Rosetta
Appleseed Cast
Hum
A Lily
Envy
Collections of Colonies of Bees
North

Reading:
Understanding Comics ( Still )
The Education of an Illustrator- Steven Heller
Schulz and Peanuts ( Charles Schulz biography-Thanks Sis for letting me borrow it).
Civil Disobediance- Henry David Thoreau… Probably the 20th time I’ve read it:

“Then it is that I appreciate the beauty and the glory of architecture, which itself never turns in, but forever stands out and erect, keeping watch over the slumberers.”

I am the Bees

I have neglected this blog for lack of momentum with words.

Its been a little rough around my edges the last few weeks trying to gain momentum all while not getting distracted with the suck.  I’ve been trying to weigh alot of different things and try to also make progress on a few projects which have been constantly on the backburner. But I have been making fairly regular picture posts to flickr and I did sort of basically finish a mural (for free) for Southern Elementary here in Lexington. I have also sort of had help from terri in getting a website in order for myself using the cancerbox.com template, it should be looking nice and in order ing a little bit .Pretty soon there will be a cityofmichael.com and everyone can keep track of me there. I’m trying to condense and figure out how I am best relayed to the world wide web and all that nonsense.  I would love to start illustrating full-time and push that some more, but alas its hard work and when you have to squeeze it in after your 8 hours at a retail institution, its sometimes hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I have been very grateful of my personal space and time here with Jon and Terri and have been able to come to the conclusion that I have a passion for and a desire to push myself into the fine arts/illustration realm.  This will require a shift for me and it will also require a newfound push for perfection on my part.

On the list of things that will be showing up which have been talked about in the past, but are coming to fruition are the comic strip that I have started titled CLIF. This character is one part me, one part bearded savant, one part Clint, one part lanky vacuum collecting uncle, one part bike rider. I’m more or less trying to combine the people I love and the day to day experiences I’ve had into one strip. I am still working out the storyline and learning alot about visual storytelling. Its not really about the pictures, its the relaying of the message. What to give away, what not to. Whats needed for clarity etc. Its been good to try my hand at this and I will continue to work on it.

Another project will be the illustrating of a novel, ( yes, a graphic novel ) written by Tristan Palmer, whom I met with and have discussed the details and plans to stretch this into a series of small comics that will be more based on imagery and lay out than most comics are. (Not your Golden Age comic here ). I have started writing notes and will begin sketches pretty soon, if not tonite. I am very excited about this and am looking forward to letting the ink fly for this one.  Also, it will be nice to not work within the confines of borders like I am learning to work within for the comic strip.

There are talks of Qcollaborative becoming more of working organism. I am a little blurry on the details having not been there for discussions but word on the street is that Q collab will possibly be a force to be reckoned with.

Lindsay went down to get the grand tour of altus and spend a little time with the family. They are watching “Where the Wild Things Are” as well, should be good times for them. I’m a little jealous that she gets home cooked food, while I sit here debating running to the store for Taco Soup supplies ( Thanks Emily).

I am also working on my christmas list:

Chris did his homework after I made a comment saying I wished they made a VW Splittie RC Car. Dad, if you guys hook this up maybe a custom Lee Paintjob will be in order.

Penguin has released some classics illustrated by leading graphic artists. I want them.

So I’ve been wanting to play ice hockey for such a long time and I’ve pretty much halfway come to terms with the fact that it will be a long long time before I get to play. Its so very expensive. So…Someone buy me hockey stuff.  For reals.

This list will get longer and Ill post more to it monday. Gonna talk to my lady now.

Like I said this list is getting longer…

What can I say. I like the G.I.Joe. A highlight of my youth was when me and Chris got the G.I. Joe aircraft carrier, this Dubbed Video Dub has been on the list for a while. I also saw that Inspector gadget is out now ( Not a full season but still would be sort of fun to have). Also thought this would be cool too: The Littles.

Also on the list of must-haves is the OX cd/artwork from Coalesce. I just havent made the investment myself yet.

You can talk trash all you want, but us basically bald men need precision tools, and well mine are a little old and need replacing.

I also would like to someday complete my Kids In The Hall collection. I have season one (Thanks Chris).

Also it would be super awesome to start the Venture Brothers Collecting.

Sort of want to invest in this too. I’ve been avoiding throwing the money down for it but I really think it might make a good gift.

And I dont know if I should but Im going to keep adding to this for fun. brb.

The Sad Waltzes of Pietro Crespi

I haven’t written here for a while. Mostly because the people that read it can call or catch me online and I do most of my internal dialogue in a sketchbook more than on the computer. I have felt a disconnect with the computer. I no longer have a cush job where i can sit online all day and look through odd findings and read the news off and on while doing my workload. Instead I work at Target pushing freight to the floor, or training in the photo-lab, or working the Electronics area. I have been reading alot on my breaks, trying to finish Middlesex. I have dipped back into this sort of solitude that comes with having ones own space and it leaves alot of time to think and unthink. There is alot of things I would like to do and I’ve started to do a few of those things. I’ve started my comic strip which is still in the beginning stages but none the less has become quite entertaining to me.  I have found a template for my website so that I can basically. reshape me.  I may be painting a mural for an elementary school here in Lexington. ( If she emails me ). My car is fixed. My bills are paid.  My bike is fixed. I recieved gifts last week which was quite uplifting for me ( see the flickr ). I think as long as I try really hard to stay focused things will start to pan out.

Instead of Faith on Earth

So to recap the last two weeks.

I moved from West Seattle, Washington to Lexington, Kentucky. There are a few immediate differences that I dont feel I need to talk about in detail but are fun to mention: There are alot of “Horse” people here. It is after all the Horse Capital of the World. Or something similar to that. This is a college town, so everyone loves to wear the color blue. Which I don’t mind…It is alot more friendly than Dark Red or Orange ( OU/OSU ). There are alot of one way streets downtown, which is fine and all, oh wait its annoying but whatever, Ill figure it out. It actually rains here, and storms. Hello, real rain, I missed you and your friend lightening. Something about the drizzle of the Puget Sound that I miss but none the less hearing the sound of a storm makes me feel at home. Least here I don’t have to crawl in a storm shelter.

I drove the Penske Truck for a total of 6 days which basically left me very much in need of some rest. I have re-couped minus the small throat-cold symptoms creeping up on me. Terri has pneumonia, the flu and an ear-infection. BRUTAL. Me and Jon are trying our best to not get sick or to get sick more than we are starting to feel meanwhile Terri is beginning to piece herself back together. Back to the Penske truck. It was returned with no problems at all, and driving my car around today was the most surreal experience. I didnt have to look back as much, and to complete a turn was the easiest thing ever. Oh the joys of driving a normal mid-size car.

I think I should mention how awesome Jon and Terri have been. They have made me feel so very much at home. They have insisted I feel at home and Terri has been getting to know me as her new roomie. Me and Jon played music tonight a few songs that he had worked out on his own and some jamming around. It was very nice to know that we still click musically. Its very liberating to feel at ease with someone musically and we both are probably looking forward to making music again. Its been almost 10 years since we’ve played together with me behind a set.   He has also been very positive about me getting into the architecture program and insists that he will be including me in alot of things that he has going on. I am looking forward to this and hope that I can hold up my end of this all. It has meant alot  to me to see and feel the support of these two and know that they have faith in my abilities enough to house me in this odd juncture in my life.

Having surrounded myself with my books and the comfort of good friends I am regaining a little confidence I felt I had lost or something. Its a hard emotion to explain or detail out in blog format but none the less I am feeling like things will be okay and I am really feeling grateful that Chris now has a job in OKC for a reputable firm and Lindsay is back in school heading towards her Masters. This very deep part of my being is starting to feel better that we are all able to move forward without much struggle. Me and Terri were talking about Seattle and how me and Chris felt like Seattle was spitting us back out. She replied: “It just wasnt meant to happen that way, I guess.” And I felt very calm about the fact that we are now alot safer from the issues that were bothering us. Nothing turns out the way we planned. Best to abandon this O.C.D. like worry I have plagued myself with.

I need to apologize for not taking the time out to call people and let them know that I am well or even include them in little day to day conversation. ( Mom/Dad/Sis/Chris/Lindsay/Etc ) I have been trying to regroup mentally and physically and that has caused me to lack the foresight to think of how others are feeling. So I’m sorry if my communication is a little delayed. Also due to the fact that I am using Jon, or Terris computer for the time being my online communication is also delayed.

I should also extend a Thank you to my family for helping fund our little retreat. I would like to thank Stephen Gilbert for that mad stash of cds for the ro-AD.
( Yes to Fred Thomas, that man is genious, and Mr Bazaan=badass)
I should thank Lindsay for being patient with all the changes and for helping navigate despite her being bored off her ass for most of our driving days. I want to tell Chris thank you for being the faithful lone ranger, distraught by the awful yellow truck in front of him for 4 days straight, he was a great help while driving through major areas. Julianne thank you for letting me borrow the Schultz book. I can’t wait to start reading it. Jon and Terri, Many thanks for opening up your home and lives in good faith that I would be good company. I’m sure there are alot more thank you’s due but for sake of monotony and cutting this blog entry down some we will leave it at that.

Here is to having faith in the unknown.

Currents:

Blind Pilot ( We’ll get it Jon. fo sho )
Jon and Terri burned me a cd in a very folky bluegrass feel as a welcome gift.
( Awesome!)
Fred Thomas
David Bazaan

Enjoying sleep in my bed. Not a hotel bed.
Loving the smell of rain on concrete.
Getting to know Luna ( Jon and Terri’s Dog)
Glad Jon let me come over and check out the Miller House.
Trying to figure out if Kentucky is North or South.
Missing Lindsay and Chris and Julianne.

Curse your branches

I am alive. It was a long week or so and I have survived it.

More updates later.

m.

See These Bones

So. I’m writing this hopefully before my computer crashes again.

I have become infested with viruses. The fact that I ride the intanet unprotected whilst trying to keep up with my wading through muck to find little gems for my ears, is most likely the reason.

Those who have benefitted from my musical prowess, I will be in hiatus for quite a while. My computer is about 7-8 years old. In computer years that is like 97. and the symptoms are the equivalent to Alzheimer’s. I am pretty sure I need a new machine. but I cannot afford one.  not at all.

So yeah. awesome. Clint…doesnt this always happen before I move?

And regarding moving. The schedule is as follows:

Sunday-Finish Packing
Monday-Get the truck. Pack the Truck. Attach Car.
Tuesday-Drive to Boise,ID.
Wednesday-Drive to Moab, UT.
Thursday-Drive to Albequerque, meet up with Clint. Drive to Tucumcari.
Friday-Drive to Altus. (grrr. Twice in a year is too much.)
Saturday-Hang out with family.
Sunday-Drive to Springfield. (Alone.wahoo.okay not so much )
Monday-Drive to Lexington.
Tuesday-Unpack truck.
Wednesday-Return truck.

And then I possibly start work at a Lexington Target store the 24th. Pending what they decide to give me. So maybe possibly between Wednesday and Sunday I will be able to wipe my brain completely of this ordeal and begin anew.  I don’t think I have a cd player in this truck but if anyone along the way wants to provide me with some mixes or new music so I can listen when I get to Kentucky, please do.

I’ve got a while to go.

Vengeance

Currently watching Princess Mononoke.

Been listening to lots of rudeboy reggae.
Been debating lots of other things too.
Ill update monday.

They don’t even care about us in the backs of their cars.

I’ve found that it takes a few days for me to get some momentum so that I can relay my thoughts and feelings on this here machine. Target cut my hours down, right when there was actually stuff here in the area I could afford to go to and plan around. Despite the fact that I shouldn’t have I spent some money on myself. I live here in the mecca of american music and haven’t went to as many shows as I would have liked to. So for this reason I decided it was okay to spend money at Easy Street’s crazy summer West Seattle Street Fair Sale. 3 used cds for 5 dollars. It would have been hard for me to walk away from this and so instead of hating myself for ignoring its beckoning call…I embraced it and bought myself some music. It made me feel better. spending an hour or more rummaging through bins, looking for gold. Its always amazing to me what people pick up and what they throw away.  While digging I also reserved a few that I found for Lindsay because I know she abhors digging through the muck ( These are marked with astericks ).

Red Sparrows-At the Soundless Dawn
( Instramental featuring members from ISIS)

Owen-At Home With
( Mike Kinsella wooing girls and vindicating the male point of view )

The Album Leaf- Into the Blue Again

Rogue Wave-Descended like Vultures

*Nickel Creek-This Side
( This one has their cover of Pavements Spit on a Stranger )

*Margot and the Nuclear So and So’s- Animal/Not Animal
( Double Disc…Score!)

*Sleater Kinney- The Woods
( Someone accidentally put the Live cd in there as well, double Disc…Score!)

Pete Yorn- Nightcrawler
( Little less adolescent than Music for the Morning After )

The Blow- Bonus Album
( They re-do Jason Andersons Jet Ski Accidents! Had to have it.)

Chuck Ragan- Feast of Famine
( Chuck was so nice the few times I met him, have to support that man. )

Dillinger Escape Plan-Under the Running Board
( Thier First Major Release on Relapse)

Pg.99-Singles
( Intellegent Experimental Punk/Hardcore, the envy of many many bands, also featuring members of City of Caterpillar )

The Six Parts Seven-Lost Notes from Forgotten Songs
( Remakes  of 6/7 songs by Iron and Wine and Pedro the Lion )

Engine Down-A Sign of Breath Ep
( Engine Downs Members now form parts of Cursive and Sparta, even though I think Sparta sucks )

Tom Brosseau- What I mean to Say is Goodbye
( There is a little Folky Western singer songwriter in all of us, no? )

Drums and Tuba-Battles Ole’ ( This was my one unsuccessful purchase I had read a review about it being pretty ingenious on their part as musicians only to find that musically the music was average and the vocals were horrible but sometimes its fun to dive into something your unfamiliar with just to remember that feeling that you had being younger experimenting with your tastes…Everyones “tried” to listen to Primus at least once right?)
What I should have done is compiled a list of all the cds that I overlooked for sake of sparing my bank account. And the fact that this sale is on rotation throughout the weekend with a new surplus of cds constantly being added…well let’s just say I’m avoiding that place for the rest of the weekend.

Ive been reading my Einstien book alot lately. It is interesting to read his words and feel this common understanding.  Something that caught my attention was something he wrote in regards to someone else:
” Few People are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social enviornment. Most People are incapable of forming such opinions.” (Aphorisms for Leo Baeck)

It stuck me deep reading this. How far have I pushed myself to be one of these few people? I haven’t been delving into the news as much as I used to. It’s not that I’ve grown disinterested, it’s  that I have began to push myself into thinking more than talking. This will change Im sure. But I think the fact that I have withdrawn into myself has caused me to ignore current events for the most part. I read them everyday but it hasn’t been sinking in. I need to fix this.

-This weekend was West Seattle Street Fair, and I can now say I’ve seen Mudhoney. This was something I wanted to experience for myself but  Chris, his friend Lydia, and Lindsay all joined me. Next weekend I will be venturing to the Vintage VW Meet in Shoreline. Should be quite badass.
If you see any of us online or about, ask how we are.

Despite it all…I have to take something with me back to the midwest don’t I?

-edit. I jjsut remembered I bought these too:

Mum’s Summer Make Good, and…

S.Malkmus and the Jicks: Pig Lib. Also…Chris found me this:

Its been a lovely music filled few days.

The Levee with not hold the water back…

A few weeks ago I went home with my brother to see Julianne graduate High School. On our return flight, there was an obnoxious, spoiled girl sitting next to her (probably obnoxious ) spoiled mother. The mother who lived in California sat next to her semi-nerdy looking husband, and as the two chatted it up about stupid bullshit the daughter decided in her 2-3 year old mentality that it would be okay to kick the back of my seat. This would normally be dealt with by a polite parent. But when that parent is a self-consumed B-word, than the kicking proceeds for however long the flight is. In this case it was around an hour and fifteen minutes. In my head I was trying to find ways to adjust to the persisting, nasally, self-righteous voice of her mother nagging at her child and whining to her husband. All while trying not to lash out and tell them all to STFU and to be mindful that they were not on their back porch sipping mimosas and drinking Coors Light.

So anyways I drew this up the other day ( the top one ) and Chris suggested me adding a few variations so  Lindsay supplied the idea of shoving them into the overhead compartment. I should have done a better job with showing a leg hanging out in front to the left of me in the strip but whatever.

I have been struggling to find direction and feel as though it may be time to remove myself from the greater Seattle area, in order to move forward with my life and to not struggle. These last few weeks a few things have plagued me:

1: Being Un-Employed Sucks.
2: High Cost of living plus Un-Employment Sucks
3: Working at Target,  though it has been steady, is not my life-choice, nor is it enough money to sustain oneself in this environment
4: Having a experience is a major factor in one’s career path, but if you can’t get ahead somehow, and can’t get comfortable, then how does one gain that experience? ( Life experience doesn’t count for shit either, mind you. It adds character and bitterness to real life situations ).
5: At 28, I am ashamed that I am still depending on my parents for support.
6: I feel conflicted about the fact that I brought my brother with me into this enviornment and he has had no luck in finding a job.
7: Man vs. The Economy, is sadly an impossible match-up. Fate sides with the bigger of the two, and it is up to the smaller to find a way to beat the recession. What are the options.
8: Of the options at hand, I have yet to decide. Move back to Oklahoma try to find work, get into a program at a school that nobody gives a shit about and start various projects to keep me busy, blinding me from the fact that I took two steps backwards to go forward. Move to Kentucky with Jon and his wife Terri, attempt to get into the Architecture Program despite my past mishaps with Arithmetic, hopefully succeeding and starting something with Jon. Stay here and be poor, struggle to find work aside from Target because firms and studios are going to hire 45-yr old men and women that have more experience and are struggling because of the economy too.
9: These facts along with the fact that I am in a relationship with Lindsay leaves me conflicted.  Which direction is best for me, which direction is best for us, and what evolution does our relationship take due to our personal choices.

I wrote out a few other things that have been bothering me, like the fact that my ten year  high school reunion was the other day, and the high cost of gas and some other trivial things. But wordpress decided not let me save a draft so I tried publishing only to have it be a version from minutes before trying to save. Bleh. Anyways. Here are some currents:

Listening to Do Make Say Think, Mount Eerie, Unwed Sailor, John Coltrane.
Looking forward to this:

Reading Middlesex still.
Hoping for some peace of mind in all this decision making.