This week was draining. I felt like my mouth failed me in so many ways this week. Talking too much at points and not enough at others.
I was outside of myself.
I felt so very huge. and so very small.
But on a positive note, I was paid a compliment by Lindsay… I have achieved Best Boyfriend Ever status and I feel flattered and proud to be exploring this new relationship with someone so complimentary. I sent her a package which arrived Thursday and did a good job of cheering her up ( Thank you Chris for sending it ) Me and Chris had also sent Julianne a package with some goods about a week ago as well, with supurb timing as well…
I have been thinking about how I let my “mouth runneth over”. I have felt like a rambling idiot some moments and introverted curmugeon other moments. I dont quite know what the deal is but I think that sometimes lately I have been seeking a release of some sort. I have been looking for the words to describe the following:
My wanting my sister to be joyeous and feel she is loved,
My wanting/missing/adoring Lindsay,
My wanting my brother to be happy and to push
himself to a new level and get a job,
My wanting Clint to succeed in his business adventures in the mountains,
My lack of personal space,
My appreciation for Robert and Megan’s hospitality,
My yearning to live in a more positive fashion than I have ever done before
My Joy in playing with Roberts daughter Laura
My anger at losing sleep,
My feeling of helplessness for all those who are going through
something that I cannot fix or aid them with….
It seems that everyone has been going through various movements and fighting their own seperate battles while I simply cannot fight for them. I feel so very helpless at points. With everyone, I feel that all I can do is try to be vocal about my support and let them know that I am completely behind them with everything that they do. But even with this task I have failed this week. I have not done a very good job at expressing how grateful I am of thier existance in my life, or how I truly believe they will pass these moments by with more strength than they realize. I have failed to let them know that I care more about them and their stuggles than I do of my own selfish pinings. I have failed to let them share their stuggles and confide in me so that I may give them strength by just listening. I have failed to bring everyone faith in themselves.
This is my attempt at letting them all know, ( even if you were not mentioned ) without opening my mouth that I am here.