Pretty sure I’m ready for people around me to get what they want and deserve in their lives. I have been holding on to what I have, feeling grateful, but feeling remorse as those around me have less or are going through periods of transition. This applies to the grander scheme of life and the world, but more recently within my personal life. I sometimes look around and wonder what allows some people to have what they want and need in the blink of an eye, while others must work from the ground up building and saving to get to where they want/need to go. Often this struggle builds strong will, and self-reliance. Other times as I was told before ( from some dickhead I was helping at the frameshop one day ) “It doesnt do anything but take you longer”. (Obviously I do not believe this.) Its more or less just something that weighs on me occasionally. The fact that I too am poorer than some and cannot push my friends and family to the hieghts that I feel they deserve to be at. I imagine that is something that all people with goodwill experience. At least I hope so…
So anyways. Heres the run-down of how stuff has been playing in my head.
Lindsay has been looking at moving this way, getting a job in her field, and on top of that probably mostly likely (eventually,maybe) wanting to get a little closer to me.(smile lindsay). It has been quite the upsetting ordeal for her. ( and myself having to watch from a distance and not be able to console in person ). She will find something eventually but it is a little tough. and this area of the country is competitive. There are more than a few people who love the environment and actually want to help it. And not just those people who buy re-usable shopping bags, only to forget them at home and end up using plastic over recycled paper either. People making visible efforts in their communities to conserve and retaliate against mans natural disposition to destroy. She will soon join them in their conquests but for now she will have to wait for just the perfect fit for her. ( Thank you Earthcorp for the asshole email, with all that wanting to do good for the world, you couldn’t tell a girl over the phone she’s gonna have to wait a while? Conserving your manners and thoughtfulness too I see…)
Chris has not had any luck on the job front. There are still a few avenues he has yet to pursue in terms of contacting firms and what not. But regardless the market has not helped in any shape or form since we’ve been here. Is it time for taking more unwanted jobs and working places that one might not want to post-college? When you feel you’ve played your cards right, all the way through from Kindergarten to College, its a little off-putting to be not where you want to be. I understand this. Believe this. The design field is a tricky field. Especially if you are a badass at what you do and what you do isnt web.. Another factor is we are little fish in a big pond. The people in this area are so creative that we are now part of a large community and it is no longer just young people we are competing against. We very may well be applying for jobs that a 45 year old person with 25 years of experience is more than qualified for, and since Seattle is a pretty nerdy place, everyone is well versed in the programs, and we are but lowly country folk, moved in from the city back yonder. You get the point. This isn’t easy. Thank you capitalism for that whole recession slash depression thing you got going on. Its beautiful.
Clint. Clint. Clint. Hes a few steps away from baller status in Red River NM with his new store being worked on probably as I type this. He abandoned a decent paying job in shitty Lawton,Ok so that he could free himself of bad traffic, stupid college enviornment and Army tards. Hes working several jobs, working for himself doing freelance design, and setting up his shop. This whole process has been taking the better part of a year or more and I can say that Im proud to know him. Hes busting his ass, and it will pay off, but seriously Clint: I wish I was there scraping paint and pulling up floor and drawing on the walls. Truly.
Julianne. In a few months high school will end and the adventure that is your youth will be at its apex. And though some might think you sit on your ass texting and on the computer all the time, I know that you have accomplished more during your years in high school than I ever did. You have applied yourself and it has paid off. I am proud of you. There will soon be many more challenges ahead and you will probably have to work some though college ( right mom?), but you understand that things have to be worked for sometimes. Hopefully you see that from us, your two older brothers.
Shannon/Emily. Holy Crap. Baby. and soon. I am just in anticipation to see you as parents. Its exciting. and getting super close. Is there anything you guys need or want Pre-baby me and Chris can hook you up with? aaaaaaand…I Hope your baby girl doesnt wipe crap everywhere in her bedroom at any point in time. Im assuming consistancy in diet, sleep, and activity are going to be essential to making sure this doesnt happen. Take note.
(Also. Star Wars on the 57incher. is quite niiiiice.)
I am pretty sure that some of this comes off as first-world snobbery to some people who are less fortunate.”Oh we dont have everything we want right away!” and I know that all the people above have everything that they “need” right now.(mostly…) and Im pretty sure that we will continue along our path aquiring things, looking for answers, and seeking comfort in the things that keep us moving forward but I just felt like maybe I should say that I am grateful for all that I do have. I am going to continually strive for more both in accomplishment and knowledge. I have everything I need right now ( Yes, minus…you) , at least to get me to that next point…
Finishing The Virgin Suicides.
Listening to Criminal Damage, Warcry, Converge, Botch, Sinking Ships, Shai Hulud, Champion
But also listening to: Mike Ness, Chuck Ragan, Old Canes, Nick Drake, Owen,
oh and now sleeping.