A few weeks ago I went home with my brother to see Julianne graduate High School. On our return flight, there was an obnoxious, spoiled girl sitting next to her (probably obnoxious ) spoiled mother. The mother who lived in California sat next to her semi-nerdy looking husband, and as the two chatted it up about stupid bullshit the daughter decided in her 2-3 year old mentality that it would be okay to kick the back of my seat. This would normally be dealt with by a polite parent. But when that parent is a self-consumed B-word, than the kicking proceeds for however long the flight is. In this case it was around an hour and fifteen minutes. In my head I was trying to find ways to adjust to the persisting, nasally, self-righteous voice of her mother nagging at her child and whining to her husband. All while trying not to lash out and tell them all to STFU and to be mindful that they were not on their back porch sipping mimosas and drinking Coors Light.
So anyways I drew this up the other day ( the top one ) and Chris suggested me adding a few variations so Lindsay supplied the idea of shoving them into the overhead compartment. I should have done a better job with showing a leg hanging out in front to the left of me in the strip but whatever.
I have been struggling to find direction and feel as though it may be time to remove myself from the greater Seattle area, in order to move forward with my life and to not struggle. These last few weeks a few things have plagued me:
1: Being Un-Employed Sucks.
2: High Cost of living plus Un-Employment Sucks
3: Working at Target, though it has been steady, is not my life-choice, nor is it enough money to sustain oneself in this environment
4: Having a experience is a major factor in one’s career path, but if you can’t get ahead somehow, and can’t get comfortable, then how does one gain that experience? ( Life experience doesn’t count for shit either, mind you. It adds character and bitterness to real life situations ).
5: At 28, I am ashamed that I am still depending on my parents for support.
6: I feel conflicted about the fact that I brought my brother with me into this enviornment and he has had no luck in finding a job.
7: Man vs. The Economy, is sadly an impossible match-up. Fate sides with the bigger of the two, and it is up to the smaller to find a way to beat the recession. What are the options.
8: Of the options at hand, I have yet to decide. Move back to Oklahoma try to find work, get into a program at a school that nobody gives a shit about and start various projects to keep me busy, blinding me from the fact that I took two steps backwards to go forward. Move to Kentucky with Jon and his wife Terri, attempt to get into the Architecture Program despite my past mishaps with Arithmetic, hopefully succeeding and starting something with Jon. Stay here and be poor, struggle to find work aside from Target because firms and studios are going to hire 45-yr old men and women that have more experience and are struggling because of the economy too.
9: These facts along with the fact that I am in a relationship with Lindsay leaves me conflicted. Which direction is best for me, which direction is best for us, and what evolution does our relationship take due to our personal choices.
I wrote out a few other things that have been bothering me, like the fact that my ten year high school reunion was the other day, and the high cost of gas and some other trivial things. But wordpress decided not let me save a draft so I tried publishing only to have it be a version from minutes before trying to save. Bleh. Anyways. Here are some currents:
Listening to Do Make Say Think, Mount Eerie, Unwed Sailor, John Coltrane.
Looking forward to this:
Reading Middlesex still.
Hoping for some peace of mind in all this decision making.